Step 9 AA: When to Make Amends and When Not to FHE Health

Sometimes the injured party is not willing to forgive and forget. Regardless, spiritual progress for those in recovery depends on doing their part right and making direct amends. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning.

Are You Ready for Step 8 AA?

  • This may involve attending family therapy or individual therapy.
  • The different types of amends are direct, indirect, and living.
  • When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises.

The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around. The beauty of this process for newcomers and those unsure of where to go next is that their recovery from alcoholism is outlined in twelve in-depth action steps. Many alcoholics are guided through the steps by a sponsor, but some individuals complete the steps on their own. AA’s step work has been adjusted for use in other addiction recovery programs, such as sex addiction or drug addiction. It is important to note that just because you have made amends does not mean that your relationships will be completely healed or return back to normal. Part of healing the past is owning the wrongs we have made towards people and places while living in our addiction.

FIRST PERSON: How the High Holidays reflect my sobriety journey – The Jewish News of Northern California

FIRST PERSON: How the High Holidays reflect my sobriety journey.

Posted: Wed, 30 Aug 2023 07:00:00 GMT [source]

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living amends aa

That might not be so tricky if the person were still alive. You’re left with a mountain of guilt and no one to apologize to, no one from whom you can ask forgiveness or make amends. Early recovery can be incredibly lonely and frustrating, and we may feel angry or rejected when a person doesn’t seem to recognize the growth we’re committed to making. We may want our children and families to love, accept and forgive us, but we shouldn’t confuse our wants with our needs. The process of making amends is not about us fixing everything—that comes in time and from going to meetings, attending to our recovery and cultivating a relationship to a Higher Power.

How Taking Responsibility Improves Recovery

At the heart of this step is the need for forgiveness and restoration—forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and making amends. It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt. Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt. If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries. These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises. Their parent may feel more pain for their addicted child’s inability to get sober than the material items lost due to the thefts.

  • Living amends is a third option for those in the ninth step of recovery.
  • Amends allow me to also right the wrongs I may continue to make.
  • If making amends requires the recovering alcoholic to report a past crime, they must be willing to go to jail to complete this step on their road to a complete and limitless recovery.
  • AA’s step work has been adjusted for use in other addiction recovery programs, such as sex addiction or drug addiction.
  • Someone telling you not to feel guilty rarely cures guilt.
  • If you promised your father to help him mow the lawn on Sundays, but years have passed, and you’ve never once shown up, start now.

For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair. Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. But, by facing reality and the long-term impact of your actions, and making amends to those you’ve hurt, you’re able to make peace with the past and put it behind you and move forward. If you’re on the fence about Step 9, remember that making amends can help you and the other person. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year.

living amends aa

Making Direct Amends

It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not only hurt myself, but also those around me. Making amends to my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering, will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created and trying to repair the destruction, living amends will be a lifelong endeavor. The example of my sobriety may give others hope, and faith to help themselves. The AA Big Book emphasizes the importance of being willing to make amends for the harm we have caused, while also avoiding causing further harm in the process.

If the recovering alcoholic is able to do this, then it demonstrates that they are progressing positively and ready for the tenth step. The guilt for your wrongdoings will eventually dissipate and by making an apology and amends, you will be able to let go and live. The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible. Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends. While making amends is apologizing, living amends means living a completely new, sober lifestyle, and being committed to that lifestyle for both yourself and those you’ve harmed in the past.

Start apologizing

We blame ourselves for certain things that happened – sometimes rightfully, and sometimes not. With all those articles (that you should go back and check out if you haven’t read them), it would be easy to assume we have said all there is to say. But if you are dealing with guilt and grief, you probably aren’t surprised that there is more to say.

  • It represents many of the feelings and struggles you’ve had.
  • Many recovering alcoholics have relapsed when they allowed their fears to block them from completing step nine.

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